253. Brotherhood & Accountability, Part 1

Brotherhood and accountability form the foundation of healthy masculinity, creating spaces where men can be vulnerable while growing stronger together. The isolation many men retreat to during difficult times is precisely what makes them most vulnerable to destructive patterns.

• Men are under spiritual attack because of the power they hold when united
• Traditional messages of "don't cry" and "man up" teach men to hide weakness rather than address it
• Brotherhood without accountability is common but lacks transformative power
• Jesus modeled brotherhood by surrounding himself with twelve disciples despite his divine power
• Church community provides space for both encouragement and loving correction
• Modern life systems subtly erode brotherhood through busyness and separation
• The "village mentality" where men collectively cared for communities has diminished
• Even in tough neighborhoods, older men often protected younger ones while warning "don't do what we're doing"

If you're isolated right now, reach out to another man in your life. You don't have to walk alone—brotherhood is waiting for you.

Chapters

• 1:03 Brotherhood and male isolation
• 3:49 When men stand together
• 7:39 Men's struggle with weakness
• 15:07 Brotherhood without accountability
• 19:31 Church brotherhood transforms
• 23:46 Village mentality in community

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:22

So when I think about the brotherhood in the church, I think about Jesus. Jesus, being God in the flesh, had 12 disciples, like a man with so much power, man and God with so much power is surrounding himself with 12. Welcome world again to another episode of the Call by God podcast. I'm your host and I'm here with Daryl Smith again. Daryl Smith, how you doing man Doing wonderful.

Speaker 2: 1:02

Doc Doing wonderful yes.

Speaker 1: 1:04

So, again, we're continuing this series on this father's hood series, and I'm enjoying it. It's therapeutic for me, it's just been a blessing for me and we're just going to dive right into it. So we're going to be talking today about brotherhood and accountability and the reason why I came up with this topic. Simply because I know that there are most men we like to be isolated Sometimes when we go through men, we like to be isolated. Sometimes when we go through stuff, we like to be in our man. We call that man cave and sometimes we shy away, we run away from brotherhood and even accountability. And I just wanted to talk about that. And I'm sure it might probably be you. You might probably be in your man cave right now, all by yourself. You're lonesome, but it does not have to be that way. It don't have to be this way. You know, I'm sure that there's somebody in your life that I feel that you could go to and talk to about what you're going through, and y'all could be a source of encouragement to one another. So let's talk about that today.

Speaker 1: 2:00

So when you think about brotherhood and accountability, what comes to your mind? I'm going to tell accountability. What comes to your mind, uh, I'm gonna tell you what comes to me before you go. So I know you and I, we, we watched the movie called the forge, the power of a man instilling some some affirmation and encouragement, and another young man, but there's somewhere in the movie that they formed a circle and you just see men, men with their sons, and I'm like man. That's how brotherhood is supposed to look like. Right Iron sharpens iron, that if somebody is falling, you got another one to pick another one up, like. So that came to my mind. So when you think about brotherhood, what comes to?

Speaker 2: 2:40

Daryl. Oh my goodness, so much potential. Oh my goodness, so much potential, like I always see, like tremendous potential. If brothers, men, would stand up right, yeah, we'd be a force to reckon with the devil. Demons, they know that, wow, think about it. Well, demons, they know that, wow, think about it. If you just look at men in our present day, you know, and in our you know, just look at them from I'm trying to find the words because I can see the tremendous amount of good that would come from brothers standing together and helping each other Right. So I'm trying to come at it from a different angle. From that spiritual war you know that's, I'm always on that kick. From that spiritual war, you know that's, I'm always on that kick. Um, there's a reason why men are under attack. That's strength, that's power. You take that and you, you've, you've got it. Wow, I'm, I'm, I'm serious. You take that away, you strip power and, and, and. What is there left for you to even defend?

Speaker 1: 4:11

with.

Speaker 2: 4:11

You get what I'm saying. Yeah, so brotherhood and accountability. We're so connected to power that we don't like weakness and I can speak for myself. I don't like weakness. Yeah, we don't like weakness and I can speak for myself. I don't like weakness. Yeah, still learning the challenge with that is, you know God even says in his scripture you know, my strength is made perfect through weakness. If there was a, there was a movement, I think and you help me if I'm, you correct me if I'm wrong here the, what was it? The million man march?

Speaker 2: 5:06

yeah, years ago ago that I think the Muslims, farrakhan, kind of headed that thing. Oh, my goodness man, that was such a powerful display of men gathering in one place. It affected the nation and it affected the world for them to see that many men coming together, one purpose and one goal, right, yeah. And Imagine if we had in our neighborhoods, right, at least, let's say, at least 15, 20 men in each neighborhood that would stand up, yeah, right. Help these young men become men, right. Keep the neighborhoods safe. Right. Help the neighborhoods safe. Right. Help the neighborhoods thrive. Make sure that these neighborhoods have the essentials. Make sure that we got grocery stores in all our neighborhoods. Make sure that we have schools in our neighborhood. Make sure that we have hospitals in our neighborhood. Right, no-transcript, that's all that the, the, the neighborhoods need.

Speaker 2: 6:52

Yeah, do you get what I'm saying? But, um, I like the way you say that you know brotherhood and accountability, because we, as men, we go through things and you know, I'm trying my best to. I don't know, maybe I just need to stay into the whole spiritual warfare thing. I'll be trying to step away from it. But we, as men, we hurt, we fail, right, and it's such a, it's such an issue for us, because we know and we feel it's an eight in us for us to be the provider, the protector right, the one that you know people can count on, yeah, and when you are unable to fulfill, those roles.

Speaker 2: 7:56

You feel it right. You don't necessarily feel like a man at that point, right, and I think you know y you have heard me say this before. I always refer back to that Chris Rock saying where he was. Like you know, women, children and pets no matter what are loved. They can mess up, they can fail, they can do this, but they still loved.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:23

That man, if he messes up in one of those areas you can't provide, you can't protect, he's not even considered a man and everybody has that view. Society views you like that, but you yourself, as a man, you view yourself like that, and so that right there shows you the need for brotherhood, for accountability. It's difficult for us because we don't get together. Yeah, like I don't want you to know or think that I'm weak, that's fast, yeah what did we get that from, though?

Speaker 1: 9:04

About what you just said about, it's in it.

Speaker 2: 9:08

It's in us, yeah, cause we're built to be, it's innate with us, right, like even the most. Uh, how, how do I say this? Um, back in the day, we used to call them, uh, like the really scrawny kid. That wasn't manly and masculine enough. We call them like a nerd or something. Yeah, scrawny kid, that wasn't manly and masculine enough. We call him like a nerd or something. Yeah, yeah, right, yeah, even him.

Speaker 2: 9:39

If you push him in a corner and you keep pushing him in a corner, right after a while, that man gonna that, that man, this is gonna, yeah, you know, stand up in him at some point and he's gonna do something, right, yeah, manly, it, manly, it's in us to be a man, right? You get what I'm saying. So I don't want you to think that I'm weak, I don't want you to think that I missed the mark or that I can't do, and so then we become isolated and that's a strategy, that's a strategic approach from the enemy, because once you're isolated, enemy can do whatever he wants with you, as opposed to being with my brother, as opposed to watch this being with my brothers. You get what I'm saying. Yeah, if you got a problem with me, you know what I mean, you're like, I can't stand Smith, man, I want to take him out. If I'm with four or five of my brothers, you ain't trying to do that, yeah, but if I get alone by myself, man, I take him. Now, you know well what do you think the enemy is doing Right? And so, yeah, um, the enemy is doing right, and so, yeah, um, we as men. That's a good question, man, how do we? How do we? How do we?

Speaker 2: 11:59

I guess, first of all, identify that within us. You know that, hey, listen, you know you need to let go of this, this, this feeling that I got to be strong all the time, yeah, right, because if I'm and I mean that's the reality of it, man, we, we do get weak. Amen, yeah, right, yeah, we do get weak, amen, yeah, right. Yeah, we do get weak, but we learned this from our fathers. They learned it from their fathers. Don't you cry, man up. You better handle that. You know what I'm saying. And then don't let a woman say it, because if a woman telling you you weak, you know well, okay, I may be feeling weak, but I ain't gonna let her talk to me like that. So I gotta show that I ain't weak. When you are weak, you get what I'm saying, yeah, and so that isolation becomes the thing of choice at that point, yeah, when you're isolated, devil's got free reign.

Speaker 1: 13:08

Yeah, you got free reign. So for me, for me. So when I think about brotherhood, I'm gonna start with brotherhood before I talk about accountability, because first of all, we don't like accountability, we just like to do things on, we figure it out. But anyways, let me start brotherhood. So I'm gonna get.

Speaker 1: 13:23

I like to give two different perspectives. I like to give it for one before I became saved and while I'm saved. So, just so whoever's watching us, you know I'm not giving it only from a Christian worldview. So my mother had eight children. So, growing up with that large family because you know, back in the day, that's what they did they had children a lot, lots of family. Because you know, back in the day, that's what they did they had children a lot, lots of them. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 13:50

And so growing up with six boys, including myself so five boys including myself we became like a brotherhood, like. So when I think about brotherhood, I think about a unity of at the time it was just young men about a unity of at the time it was just young men. And then we loved each other. We were we're blood brothers, but the love we showed to each other was like it was beautiful and kind of like what you pointed out, like if you were a lot of brothers and I got a problem with you. You know I ain't gonna approach you because you look at like man, this dude like got four or five other brothers I got like six of them I got to deal with.

Speaker 1: 14:27

So that's kind of like how it was for us. So when I was coming up it was like, nah, we don't want to mess with that family. Right there they like clicked up and it was not only us, it wasn't only the brothers, but it also was the cousins. So it was like this brotherhood that we grew up with. And then, so you know, as we age, everybody began to change.

Speaker 1: 14:50

And I'm going somewhere with this, because now we got whole little men, little young boys, growing up without a daddy, that's a daddy that's not there giving them structure. So we're all like little boys trying to figure it out on our own. Somebody got a problem with you. Well, they got a problem with all us. You know that was kind of like the mindset growing up. And as we grew up, you know everybody trying to figure it out on our own. Somebody got a problem with you. Well, they got a problem with all of us. You know that was kind of like the mindset growing up. And as we grew up, you know, everybody started going their own way. Then that brotherhood started to slowly separate because everybody into their own thing now. Now it's like you got a problem with me. That's your problem, my problem and it came to the point as we began to age. It's like it wasn't like are you okay anymore? You know, back when we were young man, you good, you know you good. Now you ain't even checking on me daily, are you okay? Or good morning, good evening, or good night, right, they got this trend going on right now where they calling dudes I'm just calling to say goodnight. It ain't that no more. I mean the men calling dudes to say goodnight.

Speaker 1: 15:51

So now I found myself and I'm just saying my story. I found myself before I became a Christian, where I wasn't even hanging around my brothers anymore. Now you, in high school, you got friends now. So now those high school friends, you, you know, I play basketball. So now those friends you heard, now they became like your own brotherhood.

Speaker 1: 16:13

But there were brotherhood, but with no accountability. That so that there's a. There's a a separation between the brotherhood and accountability. And that's why, before I get to the church, part so in the world, I had this brotherhood with no. And that's why, before I get to the church, part so in the world, I had this brotherhood with no accountability. But he's like, from a secular or worldly standpoint, they're telling you things opposition to God's will and will. Now you may have some dudes that say, hey, you need to go to school, you need to do this. You know there were some decent dudes within the brotherhood because there was always that one you know what I mean that always that one. You know what I mean that always that one we always call that one that's he's a hater. Man you hate. Man, you want me to get all these women. Man you hate because you can't get any women. You know what I mean. So you always had that one sharing that with you.

Speaker 1: 16:53

So when you think about a brother, who you think about community of of young men or brothers, or upcoming young men or men that could come together and encourage and instill and give that that man, that individual man or group of brothers, some encouragement. Because, like we, we get weighted down. So when I was in the world before I got saved, we went out, partied with my friends, this and that. Yeah, it was a brotherhood, but still no accountability. But at the same time we infused that encouragement in us. But there were times that the brothers, the brotherhood, went a separate way. It's like once the circle, like everybody, started getting into different things. It just collapsed Right and then fast forward to the church.

Speaker 1: 17:40

So when I think about the brotherhood in the church, I think about Jesus. Jesus being God in the flesh, had 12 disciples, like a man with so much power, man and God with so much power, and surrounding himself with 12. So when I think about Jesus Christ, I say, well, jesus Christ had his little brotherhood yeah, little circle. I said, well, jesus Christ had his little brotherhood yeah, a little circle. So when I think of so, when I got in the church that's why I thank God for the church Daryl, I have to say this you know I don't want to get all emotional, because the church really I want people that's really that's watching this. I want them to understand the impact of a Christian fellowship, church or brotherhood, people that love the lord.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Because you think about all your life, you've been told the wrong things to do this, do that, do this. Have more than one woman, do that. You. You're always being taught the wrong thing. Now, when you get in the church, it's like the opposite, like wait a minute, like this is. I'm not, not used to this. You know what I mean. So that's why I thank God for the brotherhood. And so when I got into the church, the brotherhood was different to me and I loved it. It was like texting, call, you know, even if it wasn't like a verbal conversation. You know because you know, man, we don't talk as much as women and there are studies that women do talk. I mean I'm not throwing shade on women, but there are studies that women talk, talk. I mean I'm not throwing shade on women, but there are studies that women talk more than men.

Speaker 2: 19:07

Yeah, men, don't we have an issue expressing ourselves yeah, yeah. So women tend to do better with expression, right, right.

Speaker 1: 19:14

So when it came with the church, the brotherhood, they wrap their arms around me and say, hey, we got you. And then it was like text messages, phone calls here and there, fellowships, prayer, bible studies, and I enjoyed it because I like, wow, because, like the time that I was low, I get the encouragement Not from one brother you got, I'm getting it from all different angles, like man, this brother, like we encourage, and it was, and it was going both ways, like, yeah, I'm filled you week, I got you, you feel, and I really, really, really enjoyed it. In addition to that, now, what I didn't get in the world I was getting in the church, that accountability when you wrong, you wrong, but you need a real brother to tell you that you wrong. And you got to receive it. Because what most men do when they wrong don't like to receive it from a brother well, it has to be a certain type of brother, because if the brother is living in error say, for ie, a brother's cheating on his wife you telling me not to cheat, dude, like, come on man, like really don't be no hypocrite dude, like you're doing the same thing. You know what I mean. It gotta be a brother that really, really loved the lord and generally have a love for your soul, to tell you what's right. Hey, man, I just want to let you know that I love you. But I got to tell you this you know, the Bible says that open rebuke is better than secret love. I got to tell the reason why I'm telling you this is because I love you and that's what I call like a real brother, that you love me so much. Are you going to pray for me? Pray for me. So, but I believe, spiritual to some extent, because of we have to work nine to fives in the society.

Speaker 1: 21:08

Some subtle way the enemy has slowly is breaking that brotherhood up, even in the church. Because now it's not like brothers intentionally say that I don't want to talk to you, I can't talk to you. It's because now brothers got to worry about okay, I got my wife, I got my children, I got this and that. And then you find yourself drifting and you find yourself, man, I ain't talking to this brother. And then you call a break like man, what you up, what you been up to, yeah, life is life and man, life be life. So that's the thing, man. So so that's that's kind of like what? What comes to my mind when I think about brotherhood and accountability?

Speaker 2: 21:47

yeah, I guess maybe that's where I was trying to go, because I like the way you did it you secular than church, right, but I think I think there's an element there that you could see in both if you separated like that. I was just trying to encompass all of it. Yeah, in general, brother, brotherhood, right, and I think you know when you went the secular route it made me think about you know how I came up as a young kid, so I was growing up, you know, uh, west hollywood, carver ranches and, and so I came up in the 80s and the 90s, right, and I can remember days going outside in the 80s where our neighborhood started to change, because you know you start getting the drug you know cocaine, crack epidemic at that point in time, right, but we still had enough of, I want to say, brotherhood and accountability even then in the neighborhood. Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, you know the old adage that we always be talking about. You know it takes a village to raise. Yeah, right, we, we kind of had that back then and I attribute that. You know I look at that as brotherhood and accountability. You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 23:17

Like, I remember being able to go outside with the neighborhood kids, friends, you know, cousins and whatnot, right, brothers, cousin, all that family, and I remember even that we call them d boys back then, yeah, yeah, yeah, even them. Back then they were older than us but they were still a part of the, the village mentality, the brotherhood and accountability. And I'm gonna give you an example of what I mean by that. We would go outside, they would play ball with us, they would play basketball with us, they would play football with us, right, and you know they did they thing we knew what they were doing.

Speaker 2: 23:59

Right, they pull out a lot of money because this is back in the time when, um, you know, ice cream trucks would be coming, you know, up and down the street, right. And then you know d boy be like, hey, hey, little man, you want a little, you want a little drink, soda pop, or whatever. You know these boys be like, hey, hey, little man, you want a little drink, soda pop or whatever, you know, ice cream, whatever. And we were running, we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:17

All right, here you go. They pull out this big wad of money, right, they give it to us. Go and get you something, man, and then get me this too. They wanted us to get them stuff and they bring my change. Ok, cool, we did that to us. That was still brotherhood accountability, because they were looking out for us, right, so they pay for our stuff, right, they will play ball with us, right, and even if it got a little too hot like they got a transaction that's about to go down at the park and it was getting a little too hot they tell us don't go to the park today. Y'all stay home. Don't go to the park today, it's going to get a little rough. Ok, so we didn't go to the park. We would stay home, right, right, even during the conversations we would have with them, I remember them telling us hey, don't do what we're doing. They would tell us this we were the little little little fellas Right, right, right, and they were older.

Speaker 2: 25:14

Right. They said don't you do this. They'd be like we have to do this because that little check, grandma, getting that ain't enough to make up to make ends meet. And they will be like y'all go to school, y'all get your education, don't do what we're doing, we have to do this. This is their speech to us, their mentality.

Speaker 2: 25:33

To me. I see I saw the brotherhood and the accountability even in that. You get what I'm saying and then eventually you stay with that life. Eventually they got locked up or dead, they're in the grave. You get what I'm saying and so we kind of lost that Right and I think what you were getting at. And I'm trying to tie it all together because even when you went to the church, right, and you now experience, you know, the brotherhood, the accountability. Hey, brother, nick, I'm going to shoot you a text God bless you how you feeling. Shoot you a verse. God bless you how you feeling. Shoot you a verse this, that, another, and you you're feeling that.

Speaker 2: 26:12

But even now it's kind of pulling away, you know, with brotherhood in the church, kind of getting separated right. I see something consistent in both of those secular and you know, spiritual or church, yeah, yeah, yeah. And going back to that spiritual warfare, yeah, systems, yeah, right, systems that pull you away and apart, right, like growing up in the 80s we all had that village mentality, right. Even them d-boys respected the parents in the neighborhood. We're not gonna do that in front of miss may house, you know, we're not gonna do that. You know, if they had that car with the booming system, they'll turn it down coming down you know, that's right they respected the church, house and all that type stuff.

Speaker 2: 26:59

Right, we're still a close-knit family, right, but then systems started pulling us away and apart. Right, you know they eventually got caught up doing you. You stay in that lifestyle. That's gonna catch up with you, right, but then your mamas and your daddies started separating and all of this stuff started happening and you lose that village mentality. Right, the brotherhood, once again isolation. You know that stuff starts happening. Same thing in the church. Now, right, and I know you focus, we're focusing on men. Yes, father, yes, yes, sir, yes, sir, well, listen.