248. Motherhood Series, Part 4

Three mothers share their transformative journeys through faith, high-risk pregnancy, family reconciliation, and breaking generational trauma cycles. Their raw, honest reflections reveal how motherhood became a catalyst for spiritual growth and healing while offering wisdom for parents navigating similar challenges.

• Becoming a mother after accepting Christ and wanting to raise children differently
• Experiencing divine intervention during a high-risk pregnancy and emergency C-section
• Confronting and breaking generational cycles of trauma and abuse
• Recognizing what they would have done differently—from teaching biblical principles earlier to seeking trauma therapy
• Understanding the importance of self-care and forgiveness as a mother
• Finding healing through vulnerability and showing children that parents aren't perfect
• Creating stable environments for children to thrive, especially during challenging times

Chapters

• 0:00 Better Motherhood Through Faith
• 1:46 High-Risk Pregnancy and God's Glory
• 5:13 Family Bonds and Brotherly Connection
• 8:46 What We Would Have Done Differently
• 15:45 Healing Through Motherhood and Final Wisdom

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:22

I just knew I had to be a better mom to him than I was to Amanda, because now I'm a child of God. Now I have to raise him in the admonition of the Lord. I have to teach him about the Lord, Do that same with his sister, because we both were members of the body, but with him just rearing him up in the Lord. That was what went through my mind.

Speaker 2: 0:46

For me, as I had shared earlier, I had a high-risk pregnancy, but even, like I said, I had already uttered for a greater glory, my pregnancy and the high risk pregnancy, um to to mend my father's and my relationship. Um, it was crazy because the night before um, daryl's father and my dad, they kind of exchanged words, but it wasn't like, you know, somebody was about to throw blows, it wasn't like that, but they exchanged words, um, and, needless to say, it was like, you know, somebody was about to throw blows, it wasn't like that, but they exchanged words, um, and, needless to say, it was like you know what? I'm not in move for none of it, because I'm the one, you know, in the trenches with our child and you know, don't know what's going to be what. But anyway, um, that next day, we, honestly, my dad and myself, and the nurse was in the room and we just so happened to be talking about God to the nurse, and um, god was little did I know God was about to get his glory, that for greater glory, for greater glory, um, and so she came to do some type of um, ultrasound or something, and um, she had. She said, hmm, um, ultrasound or something. And um, she had. She said Hmm, and I didn't know what was going on. I knew that my wound cause my water had already broke, mind you, seven days ago. And so, um, they were monitoring him, monitoring me, and I just kept having that flush, that flushing going on. And it was funny because on the board they said my goal was to stay pregnant. I'm like, okay.

Speaker 2: 2:31

So that day she did the ultrasound and she saw whatever she saw. She alerted the other medical staff and within a minute I guess she's the charge nurse she literally came in with a piece of paper and spoke almost like an auctioneer, all of their disclosures, snatched off my head rack and whisked me into the OR room because they said that they had determined that he was better on the outside than he was on the inside. I believe that it was a possibility that his heart rate was dropping or the oxygen, and so, like I said, you know, it was really, of course, charged up, but I remember, as they were wheeling me out of that room into the emergency room to our emergency section, the nurse said to me, she said good luck, and I told her. I said God got me, I said God got us, and I felt like God just orchestrated that encounter with that nurse, the mending and reconciliation with my dad, daryl's birth, just centered around so much.

Speaker 2: 3:45

And I feel that, even like you like you said, adney, um and I'm glad you said it because you want to be in God's grace Um, when you have children, um, god is sovereign. He knows what we're going to do before we even do it. The thought crosses our mind. But I was actually a newlywed um with someone who said they wanted children, didn't want to wait, and I still experienced less than desirable experiences. But to see how God orchestrated Daryl's birth and to see how things manifested, I'm just in awe. They told me that once they took him out, that he was so small that I probably would not hear him cry. And when they lifted him up, god allowed me to hear my baby cry two times and I just knew. I knew that God was in that room, god was in the situation, he was in the birth and, like you said, from the time I found out that I was pregnant with Daryl, I said Godfather, this is your son, he is yours, and so that was my experience of him being born.

Speaker 3: 5:00

Adni, can you do me a favor and repeat your question? I want to make sure I heard you correctly.

Speaker 1: 5:05

Once you gave birth, what went on in your mind?

Speaker 3: 5:13

Once I gave birth and thank you for clarifying the question Once I gave birth, all I thought about was my brother, to be honest with you. That's why I wanted to make sure I heard you correctly, because I thought about him, how much I really wanted my son to have similar ways, don't get me wrong. My brother's mischievous in school and everything, but his heart was the key. And so when my brother didn't make it to the hospital, he was so afraid to hold him because he was like he's so little, he's never seen a newborn. He was like he's so little, I'm afraid to hold him, I'm gonna drop him, I'm gonna drop him. And we placed him like in his forearm so he could actually feel and touch it, cradle his head and actually like this is life. And he was like I would never thought that holding a life would be so memorable. And to embrace Throughout that time.

Speaker 3: 6:16

After that, my brother and my sister. Both they embraced him as if that was their own little brother, because you know, given the fact that you know here, I'm 20, but they were still I've already graduated high school. They were still in high school, so I'm the oldest of the three and my brother's a year younger and then my sister is three years younger than I am and it was the whole watching them in that process. So it was for me is seeing my family's eyes open up and then, whatever they may have had on their mind, it changed. It shifted, because the fact that they now saw an actual birth of a child, a new family member that they can love on, they can take me. My son became a mascot with my sister because the kids even in high school, they knew her, they knew they saw him coming. It was like they called our, we had. Our mascot was the bears. They called him the little cub.

Speaker 3: 7:12

So she was still cheering in her senior year and she's taking him around everywhere. She went uh with my son. He was just like, he was just gracious and started teaching him how to uh, playing around with video games and everything like that and but I saw our family unity. So it was precious to me because my brother always felt like he was left out because it was two girls and one boy. Now he had a brother and when my brother passed away in 2012, they both had a special bond up until my brother's death and he will always remember his uncle because of the special bond. So it was the way the Lord did it. He's so intentional and they had that bond ever since and he still knows he will always be with him. That presence will always be with him. So that's where that goes to. So that's why I said I wanted to make sure I clarified that question.

Speaker 1: 8:13

I just thought about it.

Speaker 3: 8:14

I was like my brother was the first thing, the first, when my child was born, I was like I got it. And now to know that long after that down the road, that what happened and they had, I still had a special bond to this day.

Speaker 1: 8:33

I love that answer, keisha. I love it. Our last and final question is, as a mom. Now, what would you have done differently? If anything, any one of you could go first.

Speaker 3: 8:46

I'm going to be honest with you and I wish that, if I could go back to change the hands of time, was teaching my son more about being in the Lord sooner than he did. My son put on Christ not too long, a couple of years ago. But I wish I had raised him to the biblical principles as I should as a mother, as I should as a mother. That is one of my biggest things that I really wish I had did more of. When I came into the body we had, it was on the way to the building. It was a car accident. My son was trying to well, my son was in the back seat and the way the lady hit me and I said I knew it wasn't nothing but Satan. Because I said you knew I'm about to go and change my life, I don't live for you anymore, and you could have taken, you know, but the Lord. But the Lord surrounded us with his protection to get us to the building safely.

Speaker 3: 9:48

The lady and I didn't have a disagreement, we just exchanged information. But I said I'm still heading to the building because I got to be in that water. I learned what I needed to learn and I said, yes, it only took me two Bible studies and I said yes to the Lord because I said what are we waiting on? Can I go today? And on the way, my baby in the backseat. We have an accident and no scratches or harm, but we still made it to that building. Now, knowing what I do know, even more so in my studies, I just wish that I had placed him more into God's hands, learning more about Jesus. I'm grateful that he was baptized, but it should never been that long where I should have orchestrated my part of the mother, cause it starts at home, and I wish I'd wish I'd done more.

Speaker 3: 10:43

That would be what I would say, and I wish I could change the answer now.

Speaker 2: 10:49

Annie, you're asking what we would have done different as mothers, with our children or at the point of their birth. Okay, well, for me, because Daryl is still he's nine, I would say and he's on the spectrum and also has been diagnosed with ADHD, and so we have daily battles and daily challenges. Even just wrapping my mind around, I would say what I would have done differently. To be honest and transparent, I would not have come back home when I left his father. I would have taken a different route, just for the sake of stability and just making an environment for us to both heal in, because we went through, you know stuff with his father, but just giving us a better surrounding to heal in and also, I would say, I guess, just being a little bit more patient, because you know our children, you know, will definitely try us, lord Jesus, because you know our children, you know will definitely try us, lord Jesus. But the chief thing I would say is to have went a different direction through our healing process and through relocating and reestablishing ourselves.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Well, I would say for me, I grew up in an abuse, like losing my mom at seven. I was abused. So when I had my kids, I was repeating the cycle with both of them. By the grace and mercy of God, god arrested my heart one day with my son and he said you're doing to him what was done to you. And that pricked my heart and I said, ok, we've got to figure out a different way. Was I still stern? Absolutely, but I didn't do to my kids what was done to me.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Unfortunately, amanda was the one that got the brunt of the abuse. So, and that causes a strain in our relationship. So what I would have done differently and now is like one of now, is that era where people talking about mental health and getting our mental health together and healing from traumas and all that other stuff. I wish they was talking about that then. Okay, so that way, you know, we would have healed from all of that stuff that we carry on. So, with Amanda, I definitely would have loved to have taken parenting classes, more so than anything With Devon, raised him in the admonition of the Lord. Devon was baptized, I want to say at the age of nine, and it's so funny. The night he got baptized it was just brother Daniel was given a testimony and his heart was pricked because the minister was being vulnerable. He and I, we were doing Bible studies together and we were reading scripture, we were praying. So again, amanda, I wasn't in the church, with Yvonne I was, so there was a huge difference. So if I could have done anything differently, I think with Amanda would have been the biggest parenting classes, understanding anger management and all that other stuff, because I was abused and I brought that into me being a parent and I would recommend all parents please, please, please.

Speaker 1: 14:47

If you've dealt with any trauma growing up, take a look at your behaviors and see how you're treating your kids, because nine times out of 10, you are repeating what was done to you and those kids don't deserve that. Get the help. There's trauma therapy. If you've been traumatized listen to my voice because I'm going to say this slowly Get you a trauma therapist. Talk therapy does not work for people who have gone through trauma Period. Talk therapist does not understand trauma. You need someone who specializes in trauma. Are there any closing remarks, sisters, before we end?

Speaker 3: 15:41

I have um a close remark to those who are listening that um are considering motherhood.

Speaker 3: 15:50

Understand and cherish it, don't abuse it.

Speaker 3: 15:53

Don't abuse it it's similar to what you just said about the trauma and don't repeat the cycles, but understand the closeness of it, that you're giving life because god chose you and understand your value as a woman.

Speaker 3: 16:09

Never let them talk you down.

Speaker 3: 16:10

Never let you let anyone say any harsh words to you.

Speaker 3: 16:14

Never to let anything affect you, especially if you decide to go through the process of being a mother and you and your spouse are going through that process, whether it's through fertility or what have you, it's always also to stay healthy for you and mentally and if you can spiritually, please connect with someone, if you can in the body, to help you through that walk and that journey, even as a mother in the body, have a parent walk you through, because the depression, the postpartum, all of that is real.

Speaker 3: 16:52

And to be able to understand that what is to come because the books don't do it you need the real life, you need someone that's going to walk beside you. Your husband is great, but you need the other woman, or motherly woman, to be with you, understand, nourishing, understanding your role and understanding that you carry this life and whatever you're doing is going to affect that child. So please be mindful, really think about this through, and you and your spouse are going through that process of being a mother or being a parent. Whether it's through adoption, it doesn't matter, because it's going to affect the child and you start to fight.

Speaker 2: 17:37

Now, lakeisha, I think that was beautiful and the only thing that I would just piggyback on, because I know as mothers we run ourselves down into the ground, and so I will echo your sentiments to be kind to yourself, forgive you, to also teach your children that even you are not perfect. There's no perfection except God. I oftentimes make sure that if I've lost my patience or lashed out, I apologize to my son and I let him see that vulnerability in me to admit my wrong before him, even if it's not pertaining to him. I let him see how I'm supposed to handle myself as a woman of God and to be that example to him. Handle myself as a woman of God and to be that example to him.

Speaker 2: 18:34

But the biggest thing for me right now, because I know that as mothers, like you said, don't allow anyone to speak down on you. I've been through that. So I encourage mothers to just show that same love, that same understanding and that same mercy that you show your children, that you show your husband, that you show everybody else in your life. Turn that spoon around and take that dose yourself and be merciful to you and be kind to you and love on you.

Speaker 1: 19:06

I love what both of you sisters said. So I'm going to read this from Psalms 127. I'm going to read verse three all the way down and it reads and I'm reading it in the Passion Translation because I love the way it reads. Here it says children are God's love gift. They are heaven's generous reward. Children born to a young couple will one day rise to protect and provide for their parents. You will be the couple who has many of them. A household full of children will not bring shame on your name, but victory when you face your enemies, for your offspring will influence and honor to prevail on your behalf. Children are beautiful. Motherhood is amazing.

Speaker 1: 20:04

So for anyone who, like the sister, said don't neglect yourself. As a mom, self-care is really truly God care. He don't want us to neglect ourselves. We got to do the things to be the best moms, the best aunties that we can be to those, and even the spiritual moms that we can be to those that God brings into our lives. Thank you all so much for listening to our conversation. We pray that it blesses you. We pray that something we have said will touch you in a way that will cause you to reflect and say you know what was me and, most importantly, look for your local churches of christ. Ask somebody to do a bible study with you, because, at the end of the day, jesus died on this great cross giving us grace, mercy and peace. But outside of him you don't have, because many of us would not have made it through without him.